We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This is not my ceiling
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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