I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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