don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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