Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
