there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
