I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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