she was so not down for the gang bang
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
