So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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