Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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