YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
