my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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