Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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