Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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