If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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