Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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