i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
