I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
