Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
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Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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