last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
