In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
