There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
