Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
