Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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