my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
please come you make the beer taste better
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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