They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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