Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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