so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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