wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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