I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
