theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
