I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
