You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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