Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
