Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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