WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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