I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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