I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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