totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
