69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
True strength comes from lack of pants
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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