i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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