he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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