i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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