nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
