You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
