I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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