I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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