I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
