My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
