worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
