I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
