and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
