Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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