Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
