He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
