First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
