didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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