I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
