Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
